DDay 2/29
So, that's when I actually confronted him with evidence and he admitted what was going on. Let's see if I can give a brief summary of what I know now:
Me, SAHM, previously had in home daycare, ended in 2011.
WH travels for work since summer 2012.
Been together almost 16 years.
3 awesome elementary aged daughters.
Entire family moved into new home Oct. 2012.
My thinking--we are getting back on the right track after feeling like in a 'rut', moving in the right direction.
WH spent Oct/Nov/most of Dec at home, waiting for his next position--no biggie--we spent too much time together and might have been on each other's nerves a bit, okay, a lot. LOL!
New position starts Dec. 12.
WH come home for Christmas.
WH behaves distant, begin noticing his phone ringer is always silent, he keeps it on his person at all times. Again, no biggie--he is prolly used to is being on silent from work and he texts my younger bro ALL the time, doesn't seem that out of the ordinary.
WH goes back to work after New Years. Our phone contact starts to evaporate. Seems fine by me, I am busy with kids and hobbies and house and he is grouchy anyway, right? Still looking forward to next time he comes home.
Next time he is supposed to come home, planes are snowed in during January.
He ends up being gone a total of 4 weeks before his next trip home.
Spends an awkward week at home, I have asked him by this time if there is someone else and he brushes off the question without really answering it. Maybe I didn't want to hear, bc I didn't press the issue.
Spends another week or two working OOT, returns home.
Still odd, but we spend time together, are intimate, etc.
Little things start to catch my attention again, same thing with cell phone, falls asleep downstairs in front of tv a LOT, seems distant to me and kids most of time.
Finally get brave enough on 2/29 to check cell records online.
BOOM.
There is it. Thousands, THOUSANDS of text messages to the same number, not mine.
I begin to think there is something wrong with the way the account updates.
No prob, check out the number on whitepages.com.
Unlisted, but use their fee service to get the info? Why yes, thanks, $1.99 for peace of mind, no problem.
Man's name comes up, seems familiar.
Quick trip to fb to discover girl with same last name.
Apparently she's on her dad's phone account.
Get WH to come home from running errands.
Confrontation from me.
Admission FINALLY from him.
No emotion from him, lots from me.
Questions begin...he mostly answers. Not what I want to hear, but seems to be telling truth which I find refreshing.
Next day, demand he choose me or her, he texts her goodbye, says going to work on family.
Okay then, let's do this.
Professional help? (him)Nah, let's try on our own a little while...maybe a book we can read. (me)Let's try.
I try.
I now know that he doesn't really try like he really said he was.
I keep trying to be open and honest and talk.
He has to travel for work again, damn, but gotta do what we gotta do. Trial run to see if I can handle it? Let's give it a shot.
He says she won't be there. Seems to go okay.
Lots of what I now know to be HB before he leaves, when he returns, etc.
Next trip. Says she won't be there again.
Okay, we can do this.
Find out upcoming job will be in NY, heck--I wanna go! That will be good for me to do every now and then, will help our marriage.
He says great, book plane tickets, did so on Wed 4/4.
He comes home 4/6.
Not feeling well.
Holiday with family on 4/7.
Seems distant to everyone including kids.
I give him space bc he previously said that's what he needed so he can not feel like he is being pounded by my questions and feelings so he can 'get over her'.
By bedtime, I can't let it go anymore, ask what's up.
He refuses to talk about it, I finally tell him to get out of my bed.
I spend next day pretty much in bed, not much communication.
Brings us to Monday. I found SI website the day before and got some gusto.
I ask to see his phone. He hands it over.
I take it upstairs to review, he follows.
Asks what I'm doing, I tell him, he lets me.
Her contact info is still there--a prob for me bc I previously asked him multiple times to unfriend her on fb and he kept putting it off, until he just deactivated his acct.
Oh, it's bc they have to work together.
Right.
No calls or texts to her in history, but I ask to see his work computer to check emails.
He gets it, begins to login and becomes progressively more agitated, until he slams the computer closed, tells me he's not doing this, it's over, she was there last week, he is not going to let me rule his life anymore.
Ooookay. Well, then.
I remain miraculously calm and ask if he hears the things he is saying when he says he is okay with living in a different state than his children and that he wants a divorce all because I want to talk about it.
He thinks he "knows how I will be" and I will never let it go and he will be miserable the rest of his life so he is just done.
I suggest IC, MC, etc. I say that I am not done working on this and I do think things can change and get better.
Argument gets progressively nasty, no surprise there.
He has started packing by this time.
I ask where he'll go. He says maybe his out of state brothers, but he doesn't really have anyone.
Well, ya know what, I do and make a call to my mother.
She comes to get me and kids.
WH travels for work since summer 2012.
Been together almost 16 years.
3 awesome elementary aged daughters.
Entire family moved into new home Oct. 2012.
My thinking--we are getting back on the right track after feeling like in a 'rut', moving in the right direction.
WH spent Oct/Nov/most of Dec at home, waiting for his next position--no biggie--we spent too much time together and might have been on each other's nerves a bit, okay, a lot. LOL!
New position starts Dec. 12.
WH come home for Christmas.
WH behaves distant, begin noticing his phone ringer is always silent, he keeps it on his person at all times. Again, no biggie--he is prolly used to is being on silent from work and he texts my younger bro ALL the time, doesn't seem that out of the ordinary.
WH goes back to work after New Years. Our phone contact starts to evaporate. Seems fine by me, I am busy with kids and hobbies and house and he is grouchy anyway, right? Still looking forward to next time he comes home.
Next time he is supposed to come home, planes are snowed in during January.
He ends up being gone a total of 4 weeks before his next trip home.
Spends an awkward week at home, I have asked him by this time if there is someone else and he brushes off the question without really answering it. Maybe I didn't want to hear, bc I didn't press the issue.
Spends another week or two working OOT, returns home.
Still odd, but we spend time together, are intimate, etc.
Little things start to catch my attention again, same thing with cell phone, falls asleep downstairs in front of tv a LOT, seems distant to me and kids most of time.
Finally get brave enough on 2/29 to check cell records online.
BOOM.
There is it. Thousands, THOUSANDS of text messages to the same number, not mine.
I begin to think there is something wrong with the way the account updates.
No prob, check out the number on whitepages.com.
Unlisted, but use their fee service to get the info? Why yes, thanks, $1.99 for peace of mind, no problem.
Man's name comes up, seems familiar.
Quick trip to fb to discover girl with same last name.
Apparently she's on her dad's phone account.
Get WH to come home from running errands.
Confrontation from me.
Admission FINALLY from him.
No emotion from him, lots from me.
Questions begin...he mostly answers. Not what I want to hear, but seems to be telling truth which I find refreshing.
Next day, demand he choose me or her, he texts her goodbye, says going to work on family.
Okay then, let's do this.
Professional help? (him)Nah, let's try on our own a little while...maybe a book we can read. (me)Let's try.
I try.
I now know that he doesn't really try like he really said he was.
I keep trying to be open and honest and talk.
He has to travel for work again, damn, but gotta do what we gotta do. Trial run to see if I can handle it? Let's give it a shot.
He says she won't be there. Seems to go okay.
Lots of what I now know to be HB before he leaves, when he returns, etc.
Next trip. Says she won't be there again.
Okay, we can do this.
Find out upcoming job will be in NY, heck--I wanna go! That will be good for me to do every now and then, will help our marriage.
He says great, book plane tickets, did so on Wed 4/4.
He comes home 4/6.
Not feeling well.
Holiday with family on 4/7.
Seems distant to everyone including kids.
I give him space bc he previously said that's what he needed so he can not feel like he is being pounded by my questions and feelings so he can 'get over her'.
By bedtime, I can't let it go anymore, ask what's up.
He refuses to talk about it, I finally tell him to get out of my bed.
I spend next day pretty much in bed, not much communication.
Brings us to Monday. I found SI website the day before and got some gusto.
I ask to see his phone. He hands it over.
I take it upstairs to review, he follows.
Asks what I'm doing, I tell him, he lets me.
Her contact info is still there--a prob for me bc I previously asked him multiple times to unfriend her on fb and he kept putting it off, until he just deactivated his acct.
Oh, it's bc they have to work together.
Right.
No calls or texts to her in history, but I ask to see his work computer to check emails.
He gets it, begins to login and becomes progressively more agitated, until he slams the computer closed, tells me he's not doing this, it's over, she was there last week, he is not going to let me rule his life anymore.
Ooookay. Well, then.
I remain miraculously calm and ask if he hears the things he is saying when he says he is okay with living in a different state than his children and that he wants a divorce all because I want to talk about it.
He thinks he "knows how I will be" and I will never let it go and he will be miserable the rest of his life so he is just done.
I suggest IC, MC, etc. I say that I am not done working on this and I do think things can change and get better.
Argument gets progressively nasty, no surprise there.
He has started packing by this time.
I ask where he'll go. He says maybe his out of state brothers, but he doesn't really have anyone.
Well, ya know what, I do and make a call to my mother.
She comes to get me and kids.
We stay at my moms for several days.
He still refuses any counseling, I had to do some explaining to kids.
They had lots of questions I could not answer without saying "I don't know yet". The kids asked me to talk to principal and counselor at school and we managed to get that done with as few tears as possible. They stayed all day, which I find good, but youngest ones teacher kept emailing me updates on her meltdowns and concerns.
Oh hell, this sucks.
He still refuses any counseling, I had to do some explaining to kids.
They had lots of questions I could not answer without saying "I don't know yet". The kids asked me to talk to principal and counselor at school and we managed to get that done with as few tears as possible. They stayed all day, which I find good, but youngest ones teacher kept emailing me updates on her meltdowns and concerns.
Oh hell, this sucks.
I think I remembered the major stuff. Just need some lifting up and encouragement that I will be strong enough for my kids.
Thank goodness I have a great family and friend support system. They are already working on me. :)
Remember, CHEATERS NEVER WIN!
Remember, CHEATERS NEVER WIN!
No comments:
Post a Comment